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DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put taxes on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. Your feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
ISLAMIC: You have no cows. Your neighbor has two. You blow your neighbor and his two infidel cows to smithereens. You still have no cows.
ISRAELI: You have two cows. Your neighbor has one. You send tanks and planes to bomb your neighbor, his cow, his house, barns, fields, stock tanks, fences, and pickup truck because his cow ate some of your grass.
PALESTINIAN: You have one cow. Your neighbor has two. Your pack your cow full of explosives and send it to your neighbor. Your cow refuses to budge, blowing itself up and killing you. Your neighbor takes over your farm.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your own government.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts, stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blonde, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While seeking them you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You Coount thrm agin nd fiend tHat ypu have42cws. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown cow best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither but think they are voting for both. Some people sue because they thought they were voting for horses. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
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